My grandfather is dying. In fact, as I type this, I am in his suite in the hospice center where he was moved to on Thursday evening. He chose to stop dialysis treatment, and hasn’t had a full treatment in over a week. His last treatment was for an hour last Monday afternoon, after which he was taken to the hospital because of his refusal to do any more treatments.
It’s June. I should be planning my birthday (I turn 25 next Saturday), thinking about our four day beach getaway at the end of the month, or even daydreaming about Orlando vacations. I shouldn’t be beside myself with grief over the impending death of my grandfather, my only family member left besides my mother and brothers.
My mother and I are coming to terms with his choice to die, and are now keeping a vigil/keeping him company until he does pass. Patients with poor kidney function/kidney failure can vary greatly in terms of how soon they die. When he was admitted to the hospital on Monday afternoon, his potassium levels at that time were so high that we were told he had less than 48 hours. But they came down, and since he is still eating and drinking a bit (though not much of anything today, unfortunately) and having output, he could last as long as another week. But between yesterday and today the time spent sleeping has drastically increased, while the time spent awake has definitely taken a nosedive, and he is not very lucid or “with it”. So we’re probably looking at another 2-3 days. I hope not longer, because this is so hard to deal with.
Anyway, I’m not sure how to go about explaining what’s happening with Alyssa. I brought her to the hospice center this evening so that she could see my grandfather, but as far as she knows, he is just sick and sleeping a lot. She was also quite busy chattering to the nurses, playing with some of the Playmobil Toys and books they had in the living area, and watching Spongebob here in the room. I plan on approaching his death when he does die, since then she’ll be able to see him dead and lying peacefully in a casket at his viewing. Is this the right way to go about things? Alyssa has no concept of death, and since small children seem to think in black & white terms, I don’t know if she’d able to process the idea of him dying while he’s here and still alive. 
My name is Jenn, and I'm 27 years old. I'm happily married to my best friend and soulmate, Daniel. Together we have a six year old daughter named 
Name: Alyssa
Name: Ryan
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I watched mine slowly die over a four month period. It was stomach-turning and everyone’s hearts broke over it :/ seeing him with a trach for months? It hurts to remember 8 years later.
I would probably address with Alyssa that her grandfather may not be around much longer. Kids facing death, even if they don’t understand it well, can understand to some degree saying goodbye differently than ‘see ya next week!’ If my grampa had died when I was four (she’s four?) I think I would have resented them not addressing it with me beforehand. She may understand better than you think
sometimes I think I understood death better as a child than I do now. Now I find myself flailing to wrap my head around it. I no longer expect to see my grandfather, but I have a hard time understanding ‘dead’.
It’s hard but we addressed with the boys that they may not be seeing one of our beloved pets again last week. She was dying and had to go for risky surgery, and is now recovering. We just sat them down and said ‘she might die. You might never get to see her again. You need to give her hugs and tell her you love her and whatever you want to tell her because you might not get another chance.’. They didn’t really get it, but we gave them a chance. One gave her a quick pet and the other a peck (they’re four and six). But I think it was better than telling them she went to some great farm
I’m sorry, Jenn. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. No one’s an expert, not even the ones with the degrees, because there’s just no ‘right’ way to grieve. I do hope you give Alyssa the chance to tell her great grandfather about her dolls or something important to her because she won’t get another chance.